Is that what you really think?
Giving and receiving feedback is an important managerial tool but poor delivery can be destructive. Helena Sharpstone bins the ‘praise sandwich’ and provides a practical guide.
We should be so good at giving feedback in the third sector (or civil society as the coalition government calls it now). The non profit world of work, whilst professional, has always been warmer, demonstrative and more open than its stuffier counterparts. Most charities hope to create an environment where two-way, constructive feedback can sit comfortably. It doesn’t always happen. We start with the best intentions – to give regular feedback and be open to receiving it too – yet when the pressure is on, we forget to make it a priority and fall back on the Brit work culture of speedily pointing out the flaws and staying quiet when people do a good job. We also worry that we don’t have the right to give feedback – to team members, colleagues, bosses and perish the thought: volunteers. Not only is it our right to give it, it is their right to expect it and to give us feedback in return. It just needs to be done with a modicum of skill, compassion and common sense.
Why do you want to give feedback?
The first thing to get you started on the right road is to examine your motive. What is compelling you to want to give the feedback in the first place? A genuine desire to help someone grow and develop, the need to stop someone who is behaving in a way that is holding them back and a wish to tell someone something you feel they do really well and the positive impact it has – these are all honourable motives and are likely to result in constructively delivered feedback. A compulsion to get something off your chest or to take someone down a peg or two are less honourable (though understandably tempting at times) and are more likely to lead to destructive feedback - and in the short term certainly, will do more harm than good.
Colin Jones, former director of development at YouthNet and current director of youth and volunteering at the London Development Agency says “As a self-confessed hothead, I have learned to delay my feedback until I can say it without sounding over-excited or aggressive. Leave it a day and think about why you’re giving it in the first place and it is far more likely to be valuable. I want my team to hear the value of the content, not take offence at my delivery and not hear the message.”
Some motives could go either way, for example the need to pass on the benefit of your experience through some feedback. If that is your motive then find a way to do it so it doesn't sound patronising: “Let me the great sage of many years experience, pass down to you the fledgling, the great honour of a particle of my considerable brain.” We have all had that done to us at one time or other and rather than listen to the content of the feedback, it makes you want to deck the person. The benefit of your experience should be offered not imposed, and put into context – this worked for you once but it may not work for them – for it to be a constructive experience. Finally, beware the motive of cheering someone up when they're having a bad time, by giving praise. If you tell them they are better than they really are, and they are savvy enough to know they're not, they may distrust your feedback in the future. Better to talk to them about what is going wrong and give them some perspective on the situation, than try to stick a smiley plaster on a gaping wound.
Know your onions
Once you have got your motive sorted, the next thing is to know the go-zones and no-go-zones of feedback. Derek Biddle, occupational psychologist and co-author of Leading and Developing for High Performance1 describes the layers of an onion. The inner layers represent our personality and values – who we are fundamentally and the standards and codes by which we live our lives. These are incredibly personal and tough to change (you could argue that we shouldn't have to change them at this ripe old age and certainly not because someone we work with/for thinks we should). These are the no-go zones for feedback. Comment on people's personality or values and you could be accused of hitting below the belt. The outer layers of the onion represent our attitudes – our approach to and views on things and behaviour – the outward signs of our attitude. These are the go-zones for feedback. They concentrate on what a person does, not who they are, are easier on the ear and more likely to be acted upon. It's the difference between telling someone you desk share with that their messy papers, Post-It note pandemic and non existent filing make it impossible for you to work and can you both sort out a better system – above the belt – and telling them they are a messy pig with no idea how to organise themselves and you bet their flat is a right sty – below the belt.
Be specific
It works with positive feedback too. Telling someone they're a good bloke is nurturing and kind but more akin to feedback you give a mate and not terribly useful. A good bloke in what way exactly? And how can I transfer my good blokeness to benefit other areas of my work? I was once managed by someone who kept telling me how lovely I was. It was nice at first, then it got a bit irritating. Also, I was never sure if being lovely was going to get me a promotion or my P45. Better to be told – your positive impact on the team, your ability to manage a project well, your inspirational pitching style – with examples – than to be fobbed off with sweet but rather sweeping statements. So keep your feedback above the belt.
Feedback for volunteers
At the beginning of this article, I mentioned giving feedback to volunteers (sharp intake of breath, look of horror from the reader). For many years, I searched for the secret to giving feedback effectively to volunteers, those strange and wonderful beings. At this ripe old age, I have found it and will share it. You start by chanting the mantra “It isn’t so different with volunteers” (because it isn’t) and then you apply all the same techniques you would to paid staff. Yes really. But you have to start as you mean to go on. If volunteers are resistant to feedback, it is usually because they are used to having none.
So if you manage volunteers, create an environment for two-way feedback from the start and don’t give up if it is not welcomed with open arms at first – the good ones will get what you are trying to do and the others will just have to get on with it. Like many of us who work in the sector and those who don’t, I too am a volunteer in my spare time – a vice chair of governors for a school.
There is no way I could function in my role without regular feedback. I don’t even care if it is not skillfully delivered: I will still find a way to learn from it.
Be respectful
A lot has been written about techniques and structures for feedback. Take them with a pinch of salt. In some places of work, it would be a start just to get people doing feedback at all, let alone trying to weave it around a fancy process. Insights, a company who developed Insights Discovery2 – a behavioural model used globally to aid better understanding between people at work, have a simple three-part message; keep your feedback open, honest and respectful. Open and honest they say, is not enough. One person’s idea of open and honest could be another person’s idea of brutality. The third part, respectful keeps any major offloading in check. Figure 1 is a useful summary based on my own received wisdom.
Bin the ‘praise sandwich’
While we're on the subject of technique, beware the unsubtle ones like the ‘praise sandwich’ (sometimes referred to with a different, altogether less savoury sandwich filling). The idea behind it is to sandwich some negative feedback between two bits of positive feedback thereby softening the blow. Guess what? We all know when it's being done to us and it gets used mainly when you have only wafer thin positive bread to act as bookends for a massive wedge of negative filling. “Thank you for turning up to work promptly every day – just about everything you do in your job is rubbish – but I really like your earrings.” Okay, an exaggeration but you know how it goes. Better to say what needs to be said, check how they feel about it and what their view is and then look ahead.
Do something with the feedback
Any feedback that is constructive should be followed by some sort of action plan. If they're good at something, it's a case of discussing how they can be even better and/or spread that success. If the feedback is about something you want them to improve, it's a case of looking at how that might be done. The essence of constructive feedback really, is that life goes on after it. There is a future, a way to improve, a path to move on to.
And receive with elegance
Finally, there is a big element of getting your own house in order when it comes to feedback. You may be skilled at giving it, but how elegant are you at receiving it. We worked with Alan Bolchover when he was setting up a new team, as head of fundraising for The Scout Association. Once the team had bedded in, he looked to work on his own self-awareness with a ‘full-circle’ feedback tool that encouraged his staff and colleagues to give him constructive feedback about his work style, leadership and communication.
The results were detailed and clear, in many cases extremely complimentary and motivating, in just a few, a little tough to take. But he took them all, welcoming the feedback and acting on it where he felt appropriate. His example inspired many of the team to be more open to feedback and make it a regular feature of their team culture.
So, before you unleash yourself on unsuspecting staff and colleagues, with your own special brand of feedback, do a quick check that you too can receive feedback with grace. It’s funny, once you start this feedback thing, people around you do tend to come and have a go if they think you’re hard enough. But don’t let that put you off…
1. Available from www.alistewartandco.com
Author: Helena Sharpstone
Helena Sharpstone was head of training for Help the Aged (now Age UK) and comes from a commercial background in sales and sales management.
She writes, is a regular speaker at conferences and mentors both junior and senior leaders.
She also runs a learning and development consultancy, with her business partner Caryn Skinner and works with a diverse range of organisations.
Helena is a member of the CIPD and the Institute of Fundraising.
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